Everythings Changing
by betweenmeandyou
Summary: Every aspect of their lives have changed. No one is who they once were, and happiness isn't easy to come by. Spencer and Ashley's relationship is in uncharted territory and drama is circling
1. A Differnt King High

_**A/N:**__ So this is my first attempt at Spashely fanfiction so go easy on me. I know this one is short but I just wanted to see what you guys are thinking before I decide to continue or not. It's up to you all. Tell me what you think I have nothing planned so far for this story, I'm more of a go with the flow kinda writer. I sit down and whatever comes to me I use. It also gives you guys some space to offer me ideas. Well I'm off to teach my dance class folks so Read it and let me know what you're feeling. Good or bad I promise not to bite lol ttyl!_

Everything felt different. Nothing at King High was the same anymore. It was silent and scared and lonely. I was different; I wasn't the same Ashley Davies that walked the courtyard a few weeks ago. None of us were.

I held his hand and made my choice known. It had been exactly 3 weeks and 4 days since prom and like I said before nothing was the same. Aiden was hit by one of the stray bullets and in that moment my decision had been made. I would pick him, not out of love because that was never a question, but out of loyalty. He was my best friend and I would help him through this time. I wouldn't be the one to add to his pain. He had nearly died that night and I couldn't imagine being the one to break his heart. I owed it to him to help. He had always been there for me, and now it was my turn to do the same for him.

But in saving Aiden from pain, I caused the one person I love most in the world to doubt everything we ever had. She has barely looked my way since that night, and I can't blame her. I can barely look at myself these days. Living a lie I thought I had escaped once I found her. She's found new friends and people to surround herself with, but she doesn't look happy. Neither do I if you can really see through me like I know she can. She knew me better then most, and I know she can see through this façade I have put up. Yet she doesn't approach me, she doesn't speak to me, it's like I am invisible to her. One minute we were so in love and happy and the next I destroyed everything with one simple gesture. I placed my hand in his and walked away from her that night; making a silent choice that I would regret forever.

He can't seem to tell that I'm miserable. That or he doesn't want to admit that he knows I don't love him. That he wasn't my first choice. Either way I keep the smile on my face when he looks my way, I tell him the things he wants to hear, I let him feel that I am there. I know my reasoning is ridiculous but in my own little naive world I did the right thing by my best friend. And in the end I also believe I did the right thing for her. I wasn't good enough, no matter how hard I tried to be. I would've hurt her in the end, no matter how hard I would've tried not to. I love her but sometimes that's just not enough. I couldn't tare her away from her family they meant everything to her.

I try to justify my decision with thoughts like this from time to time. But I still know I made a mistake, a mistake that can never truly be erased. I just hope that one day no matter how far along it may be, that she will finally look my way once again and allow me the chance to apologize and tell her that none of what we felt was a lie. That I loved her, and still love her with every inch of my being. I know that these are just foolish dreams. Yet I hold onto them as if they were a life saver. The only shred of hope keeping me going. I look at her when she's not paying attention and enjoy the simple gestures that made me fall in love with her. That make her who she is, uniquely beautiful and so Spencer Carlin. She doesn't laugh as hard as she once did, or smile the way she did with me, but she tries just like I do. I catch her looking sometimes, and it makes it harder; knowing that I took that smile and laughter away from her.


	2. Listen close

A/N: First off I wanna thank each and every one of you for responding they really encourage me and inspire me to write. I'm glad you all like it. And I'm sorry for the sadness lol but you're gonna have to pull through for a little while. Here's the next chapter and I'll keep updating every few days for you guys. So without anymore blabbing on my part here's the next chapter hope you like it. Can't wait to hear what you think )

I catch myself staring sometimes, and I hate myself for not being able to let go. I should be able to turn away; it was my decision after all. Yet she holds a part of me that I'd never given to anyone before her and probably won't again to anyone after her. She changed me in every way possible and for that I can't thank her enough.

She sits at the same table everyday at lunch with her new group of friends. Smiling that smile I know to be fake. Spencer has four kinds of smiles, the one she is currently using which is a fraud. Another when she's truly content and she's just smiling for no reason, like those days we'd just lie in my bed and talk. She also has one when she has a secret or can't wait to tell you something. It's sort of goofy in an unbelievably cute way. And a smile I like to think is reserved for me. Probably the same smile that comes to my face when I think of her. A smile that shows nothing but unconditional love and support. I don't see that smile anymore.

I don't know why these thoughts cross my head, especially at times like this. Aiden is deep in a conversation with me, that I haven't heard one single word of. I try so hard to catch up to what he's saying but I'm too far gone. I hope he didn't notice me staring.

"So what do you think Ash?" asks Aiden taking a breath and squeezing my hand gently.

I don't know how to respond at this point so I take a shot in the dark hoping I won't regret it. "I think it sounds great" I reply apprehensively.

"Really? I was worried you wouldn't wanna go after what happened…..at prom. But I promise you this will be fun. A night on the beach with everyone, one last time." He finishes happily. What have I gotten myself into?

"Yeah of course it will be Aid, I'm excited" I state with as much fake enthusiasm as I can muster, while squeezing his hand back. I can't imagine something I'd want to do less.

"I'm glad you wanna go Ash, you haven't been yourself the last few days. You sure you're alright?" he questions with concern. He sometimes asks questions like this and they scare me. I hope he can't see through what I feel inside. Does he know me well enough to see past what I say? I quickly forget this thought because I know it can't be true, only one person had the ability to do that.

"Yeah I'm fine babe. You shouldn't worry about me. I'm the same old moi. Now do you care to walk me to class?" I finally answer. I can't exactly tell him that I haven't been myself not for days but for weeks. He doesn't know the half of it. I haven't been myself since the day I let the other half of me go.

"Of course, let's get you to class" he says as he stands and offers me his hand, which I take. He grabs my books, and this only reminds me of Spencer more. I used to be the one carrying the books, and it always earned me one of _my_ smiles.

We barely make it twelve feet before I realize I forgot my book bag. Dumbass. Stopping in my tracks I tell Aiden I'll be right back and so he stays put, as I turn and walk back.

I get my bag quickly not wanting to be late. Everyone is already rushing out of the courtyard to class. However, before I realize my total lack of reflexes I bump into the one person the cosmic demons of the world would have me bump into. My bag falls to the floor and my eyes meet hers. Their colder now, yet have the same beautiful blue color they always held. We don't speak, because there is nothing left to say. We hold each others stare hoping that, that will tell it all and yet somehow it doesn't. All I see is sadness and I know I'm the cause. I made myself a promise never to hurt her and look what I've done. I want to reach out and grab her but I refrain. It wouldn't help. I would give everything I own and more to take her pain away but that wish is a little too far gone. I know she can see I'm not happy because I can see the same in her. She hates me now I can feel it, but I still hope somewhere deep down our love is still there. That it didn't just fall away with everything else. I want to believe it was stronger, but I have no right to anymore. I made us both feel like it wasn't. Before I even have the chance to muster some sort of ridiculous sentence she breaks the stair, reaches down and hands me my bag. Our hands touch briefly, they don't linger or wait. But I still feel the same spark and gentle touch we always had. Did she feel it too? She leaves with what I think are tears in her eyes. I hate myself for what I did to her. She isn't the same Spencer Carlin that I met that day by the lockers.


	3. Last Moment

A/N: First off I hope you all are enjoying this story as much as I am writing it. It's been fun so far. And I can't wait to hear from more of you. The reviews mean so much to me and I'd love to hear what you think. Well enough from me here it is….R&R

I couldn't get that image of her out of my head. It had been all week and still the only thing I could think of was those ice blue eyes, which used to be soft and warm. She had changed and this change wasn't for the better. I had made her into a person I thought she would never become. She wasn't the happy go lucky girl from Ohio anymore. She was someone who hid her emotions behind this façade she had built around herself to please everyone else.

Seeing her the other day only brought back memories of our last conversation. And these memories were not ones that were going to get me out of my current mood. I barely said anything in this conversation, but listened as I ruined everything. It was that day that she forever took away a part of me. And I did the same to her.

_flashback_

_It was exactly four days after prom and I had been at the hospital with Aiden for most of them. Spencer had called well over the required number of times, but those too had stopped not too long ago. I had up and left her that night without so much more than a look that said I'm sorry. I had grabbed Aiden's hand and that was the last time I had seen her. _

_It was on the fourth day that I found out Aiden was being released and that scared me more than him being in the hospital. Once he was out, we were real. And despite knowing my decision all I wanted to do was see her and hold her or better yet be held __**by**__ her. I wanted to see her, try and explain the things that I knew I couldn't. Things that I knew I was stupid for even suggesting, but things that I believed were right. I knew however that these words would get me nowhere. My decision wasn't going to change, my choice was made. _

_Yet I still found myself outside her house at a time I knew she would be alone. These used to be our precious hours. Hours we'd spend in her bedroom, doing whatever the moment saw fit. This more times than not ended with us wrapped in each others bodies under her sheets. _

_I had to stop thinking these things or I was never going to be able to get to that door. I spent at least fifteen minutes in my car trying to think about what I was going to say. How I was going to justify breaking her heart. The courage I was looking for wasn't coming easy. But then again that was always the case when I was around Spencer; my sense of self went out the window. At least that hadn't changed. It was something I once fought so hard against, but soon embraced that I didn't mind her having control over me. It was part of our love we trusted each other completely, and here I was smashing that down. Pushing those thoughts aside I mustered every ounce of strength I had and stepped out of my car and took the 18 steps to her door. I knocked with a heavy hand. Half hoping she wouldn't come to the door, and the other half dying to just look at her. _

_It wasn't long before she opened the door. I took in her appearance. She looked exhausted and run down her eyes were puffy, which could only mean one thing. She had been crying. I had made her cry. I was a bitch, it was official. She was still however the most beautiful person I had ever laid eyes on. _

"_Hi" was all that would come out of my mouth. I had so much to say and with one look at her I couldn't form complete sentences. I couldn't remember anything I wanted to say. I just wanted to protect her. I fought the urge to reach out and touch her; it wouldn't solve anything at this moment. _

"_Hi...I'm uh…I'm uh…I'm not the one you chose am I?" she chocked out. She got straight to the point. She didn't break eye contact once the whole time she asked or even when I was trying to find an answer. It came out so low I'd thought she hadn't said it at all, till I saw the tears and knew for sure. _

_I wanted so bad to tell her she would always be my first choice. That I would die for her, that I live and breathe for her. But I didn't, I couldn't. My choice had been made. No matter how much I wanted to this was for the best in the end this would be good for her…at least that's what I told myself. _

"_I love…" was all I could get out before she pushed me aside and cut me off._

"_You don't get to tell me you love me Ashley Davies. You don't get to do that! Not right before you break my heart and not ever again! You're choosing someone I know you don't love, and I don't understand why you're doing it. I would've given everything I had for you" she states shouting at me while more tears fall. And I know everything she's saying is true. I feel like a monster but she continues on anyway "I loved you with every part of me; I gave you things that I never let anyone else have before. And right now I don't even know what for. I realize now that what we had wasn't real, something that's that real doesn't end this easily. I guess I was just hopeful, hopeful that'd you'd be able to love me back just as much one day. And I'm sorry you weren't able to do that Ashley, I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you." She adds. God I'm a dick. She thinks this is easy? Thinks that this is her fault…it's anything but that. She was more than enough she was perfection, I'm just a mess._

"_This is no way easy for me Spencer. You were everything I could…"again I was cut off. Tears in my eyes forming as more of hers fell. I knew that her next words would be the last we spoke. _

"_Please don't do this to me Ashley. Don't make me feel like you loved me. Don't make it any harder to hate you than it already is for me. I fought so hard for us, and what for? To have it all thrown in my face. I'm gonna do everything I can to forget about you and us. I'm going to try so hard to go back to a place where people actually did things they wanted to do. Get back to a place where my heart wasn't being ripped out of my chest. I can't stand here with you right now Ashley. Talking to you, looking at you it's killing me. It hurts so bad right now. I just want it to stop. I just wanna make this feeling go away, and I can't do that with you here." She said breaking down and turning to leave her back to me. _

_I grabbed onto her pulling her to me in a hug. Her back still facing me, now pressed against me. She flinched against my touch like I burned her. Like we hadn't touched a thousand times before. "Let go of my Ashley. You don't have a right to do this anymore." She breathed out her words getting harder to understand through the tears. I didn't let go though I still held on, trying to put everything I had into these last few touches. "If you ever loved me at all, you'll let me go. You'll let me leave Ashley. Please just go. Go be with Aiden and leave me alone." She finished and I knew I would let her go. I just hated the thought of actually leaving her alone. I knew what that felt like and it was a feeling I wished to spare her from forever. I held her closer for a second and she didn't pull away but didn't hug back either. I guess we both understood this was the last time that we'd be in each others arm no matter what the circumstances. I quickly let her go after this and she turned and walked to her front door. She closed the door and more of my tears fell from my face, they were now unstoppable. _

_flashback_

Thinking of that memory always brings tears to my eyes. Hearing her words play over and over again in my mind. I couldn't bear it; it broke my heart and made me regret everything I ever did to hurt her. I just wanted one more day, one more hour, one more minute with her. To tell her that I loved her and that she was enough. How could someone my age be filled with so much regret? I wish I was strong enough to do things that would benefit me, and maybe one day I will be. I know what it requires but the question here isn't what I have to do it's whether or not am willing to follow through. Whether or not I'm willing to admit the truth to both myself and the people around me. I hated the fact that I had the power to hurt a person I cared so much about. That applied to both Spencer and Aiden. I didn't want to hurt either one, and yet here I was playing with both of their hearts.


	4. Revelations

A/N: So I'm a huge loser for not updating as often as I should be. But blame the lovely summer weather for that one. I will try and get them out sooner now that vacation time is over. Thank you sooo much for the reviews they mean so much to me and I promise to tone the saddness down very soon. and Aliaschickita47 the title is sort of a spin on the keane song Everybody's Changing sorta fits pretty well with the fic. So heres the next one Enjoy. R&R please )

There's was only a few more days left till school let out. 4 to be exact, by the time Friday came rolling around I would be home free. I wouldn't have to walk the steps of King High for another three months. There was a god. However due to my lack in listening skills Friday also meant the end of school beach party that I willingly agreed to go to. Why me?

Life went on like I knew it would after our encounter. She pretended like it didn't happen and carried on per usual, and I of course wallowed for the next 5 days afterwards. I barely talked to anyone around me those following days and both Aiden and Kayla took notice.

"Ash, it's not that big of a deal. If you wanted to you could go up and talk to her." Kyla tried to reason. I had told her the whole story, and she of course had her opinion of the situation.

"Easier said than done Ky, she hates me. You know what she said that day and you know that it could never be as easy as just walking up and starting a conversation. Spencer can hold a grudge and this one is well deserved." I replied trying to get my highly correct point across.

"You'll never know until you try Ashley and you haven't tried at all. You guys haven't said ten words to each other since than, and I know for a fact you're not the only one miserable." She stated peeking my curiosity. I know Kyla and Spencer remained friends throughout all this but I had no idea to what extent. I was just surprised at my own ability to not lose Kyla during all this. But amazingly she had stuck with me through all my ups and especially my downs. She told me a couple days after the shooting that I was right when I said having a sister was permanent, even when they do some stupid shit. And she never faltered once, she was always a constant.

"She's miserable too? How do you know? She doesn't look it. Did she say something? Do you know something I should know? Does she want me to talk to her?" I immediately sat up and rambled trying to get all my questions answered.

"I can just tell she feels that way. You both aren't exactly the subtlest people around. And whatever Spencer did confide in me I'm afraid I wouldn't share. The same goes with you to her. I don't listen and tell. But what I am saying is you both were friends first before anything else happened and I'm pretty sure both of you are missing your best friends more than anything else right now." She added as we sat in our overly large backyard watching as the last few rays of sun peeked out of the sky.

"I can't I just can't do it Kyla. Plus I'm still with Aiden and god knows that's not going to help matters. I just don't see what I can say to her to justify what I did to her. I wasn't there for her Ky, I wasn't their when she needed me the most. I checked out and she deserves people in her life that aren't going to do that." I replied frustrated that she was making some valid points and I wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer.

"First of all Ash, you have barley talked to your so called boy friend in about ohhh…four days and I think he's starting to get the hint. So add him to your list of people to talk to while you're at it. And as for Spencer it's never too late to make things right. Even if she doesn't want to talk back I'm sure she'll at least listen to what you have to say Ash." Kyla finished stating her point and got up to leave

"Thanks Ky, I don't know what I would do without you these days" I got up to hug her before she left. It wasn't really my thing but I did mean what I had said to her.

"Well I for one think you would just die with out me." She laughed while she hugged back, than made her way inside leaving me with a million things to think about.

It wasn't long afterwards that I came to some life altering conclusions. Ok so maybe that's a little dramatic even for me. But I did make my mind up on a few things. I decided I would definitely have a talk with Aiden one that was long over due and that would probably result in me have one less friend in my life. But I had to do it. If I was going to start being honest with myself and the people around me I was going to have to start somewhere, and that meant with Aiden. I couldn't string him along any further than I already have. I needed to come clean. Maybe that would be a step in the right direction, a step that led me closer to getting Spencer back in my life. Because as of right this minute that was my only objective in life. Get her to forgive me, get my best friend back, and get my Spencer back.

It was now painfully aware that I wanted Spencer in my life. It wasn't a matter of _needing _her, because I proved I could live without her. Mind you it sucked but I could still do it. I simply wanted her around I loved being with her and not having her around had finally reached its limits. It was time to swing into action and get my girl back. That is if she was still mine to get.


	5. confrontation

A/N: Hey Everyone. Here is your next chapter. I've got the one after this already done. So it should be up in a couple of days. Hope you all enjoy it. Spashley is coming very soon I promise you. Just hold on a couple more chapters and you'll get your fix. So here it is. Read and let me know what your thinking good…or bad ) Also I wanna thank all of you that are reviewing now. It means so much to me and I couldn't appreciate it anymore than I do...and sportygal71188 you are indeed correct our taste in shows is pretty awsome lol.

Procrastination had always been one of her biggest problems, and she'd be the first to admit it. She would set all important matters to the side until the last possible minute. This was especially the situation Ashley found herself in now. Yet, this was a different matter and procrastination was happening for a whole bunch of different reasons. Ashley was trying to avoid the situation, avoid the inevitable confrontation, avoid the yelling, avoid the loss, but most of all avoid the pain. The pain that she knew she would cause, and also the pain she knew she would feel. So procrastination was quickly becoming a friend rather than a foe.

However, the bad thing about trying to push some things aside is that sometimes that something goes to school with you and is under the impression that he's your boy friend. It gets harder to avoid someone that's holding your books and walking you to class.

Aiden was once again going on about something or other that Ashley couldn't have cared less about. She was in her own little world where she was happy to remain. In this world there was no drama and everything was as it was months ago. It was as if she was going through the motions of her day without realizing it. She wasn't paying attention to much and that included the guy walking next to her.

"…and than me and the rest of the girls had a crazy orgy" finished Aiden as he stopped walking and stood in front of Ashley a little annoyed.

"That's cool Aid. I'm glad you had fun" replied Ashley as if on impulse. She forced a smile and looked up at the boy in front of her.

"That's cool? Ash, where are you? Were you even listening to me?" asked Aiden, his voice full of frustration.

"Of course I was listening Aiden. I'm _always_ listening. Can you please just drop it, I don't wanna have this conversation. I'm not in the mood, especially to have it here." Stated Ashley with her own frustration evident on her face.

"No! I'm sick of you avoiding everything Ash! You can't keep me in the dark whenever you find it necessary…"

"Can you keep your voice down, the whole school can here you" Whispered Ashley as she cut Aiden off.

"No I won't keep my voice down I don't care who hears me. I wanna know what the hell is going on in that head of yours. It's been so hot and cold with you lately and I'm sick of it. I'm tired of having to walk on egg shells around you." Said Aiden in a voice that showed he was both fed up and concerned.

"What do you want me to tell you Aiden? Huh? Do you want me to tell you I'm not happy? Is that it? Do you want me to tell you I hate the situation I'm in? That I can't sleep at night because all I can think about is the mistakes I've made this year! I'm sick of it to Aiden, I'm sick of all this pretending; I'm so tired of it all. Is that what you wanted? Are you satisfied now?" replied Ashley with so much emotion. She was on the verge of tears; she however held them in, in the hopes of preparing herself for what was to come out next. What she knew she deserved.

"Mistakes? Is that what you think this is? I don't want your pity ash. You think I like seeing you like this. I wish I could be what you want, the one person that makes you happy. God…I tried so damn hard to make this work. You really had me going here Ash; you really had me thinking this was what you wanted. Guess I'm still the same dumbass as always. Only difference now is that you're not the same person you were. I'm not who you want so just say it. End it Ashley isn't that what you've wanted from the start?" questioned Aiden with anger and hurt in his voice.

Silence filled every inch that separated them. Ashley couldn't come up with an answer for him. Nothing sounded right. It all sounded too harsh or too useless. So she remained quiet. She decided against speaking.

"Well at least we finally have some honesty. And I've managed to silence Ashley Davies. Two firsts. I'm done Ash; I'm done trying to be the one you want. You could go do whatever or who ever you want. You're free I'm sick of all this crap. I'm sick of all this pretending and pushing me away. Do whatever the hell makes you happy" he finished as he handed Ashley her books and walked into the small crowed that had begun to form.

Without saying a word to protest his leaving or anything that he had said, Ashley watched him walk away. This was the second time she had lost her ability to form sentences when she needed them most. She didn't want it to end like this. It wasn't supposed to be this bad. She was under the impression that she'd still have her best friend at the end of this. No matter how delusional it sounded or how naive the thought was a girl could hope right?

With what little pride she could scrape off the floor, which wasn't much, Ashley turned around and pushed her way through the crowd. Immediately deciding that school could wait another day. And just as she saw the final group of students leaving their small circle that once encircled her and Aiden, she saw her. Saw the blonde head of hair walking away from the crowd as well. Had she heard the fight? How did it make her feel? All sorts of ridiculous thoughts were swarming Ashley's head the moment she saw the back of Spencer walking off.

Deciding against running after Spencer, Ashley let her go. She herself needed to process the whole situation, and she could only imagine what was going on in the other girls head. Walking towards her car Ashley couldn't help but feel a little relieved yet confused and emotional about the whole situation that happened in less than 2 hours of being at King High that morning. This school was jinxed she decided.

With all these thoughts clouding her Ashley found herself in the parking lot in no time. Making her way to her car with not a clear thought in her head. Everything was jumbled, from the moment it all went wrong to now. She couldn't get her thoughts in order. What was she supposed to do now? Where did she go from here? How the hell was she supposed to get Spencer to hear her out? That would be the hardest of them all, because if anyone could hold a grudge it was Spencer, and boy did she have a great reason to back her up.

With that final thought making its way into her head Ashley opened her car door ready to speed out of King High….that is of course right before someone decided to shut her door forcing her to turn around and meet the eyes of one of the last few people she thought she would encounter that day.

"Did you mean what you said back there?" The girl asked cutting straight to the chase.

Ashley simply stood there in shock unable to process what was going on.


End file.
